Tuesday, November 18, 2008

"I've stopped going out now, I've got my own apartment in London. And I'm more interested in mopping the floor than going out at the moment. I'm trying to be a homemaker... for myself"
[British songstress, Adele, on being compared to Amy Winehouse]

"Kalau kamu nak tau kalau girlfriend kamu sekarang boleh dibuat isteri, cuba bayangkan dia tengah berak.. bayangkan sekarang.. OK? Kalau OK, OKlah!"
[SPM History teacher, Ramachendra Govindasamy, KYS]

Monday, November 17, 2008

Oh McCain, you've done it again

Just when you thought that hope is still out there with Obama being up there, Papa Smurf did it again.

There where? Up where? UP YOURS!

Haha chill la Papa Smurf. See you next year ok? With less emotional baggage and more manners, set? Boleh punya la.

Ape la aku merepek pukul 4 suku ni.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Words I picked up from Little Miss Townsend 1

ostracize or -cise
[-cizing, -cized] or -cising, -cised to exclude or banish (a person) from a particular group or from society

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the cruel connotations that this word suggests. The whole idea of marginalizing a portion of society just because they're not good enough according to societal perception seems so barbaric, bordering on animalistic to me.

Let's hope for a more accepting Sydney in 2009. You and I can start now. By stopping all the talks. One that is aroused by genuine concern is still considered sweet and thoughtful, but those that are merely for entertainment purposes in the form of gossiping are not on. Not on at all, my brothers.

If you have no clue on what I'm talking about, I'm gonna throw in a couple more keywords into the baking tray, just so you can bake, have a cake and eat it too, just the way your judgemental minds like it.




Tarnished image.






Tak best kan? Tak best maaaan.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Rule: List 5 good things from the top of your head. Do it for the sake of quick updates, or by any chance, you do feel the need to prove a point that you're not pussywhipped at all, to the extent of having to keep chanting: "I'm doing this for myself, not because she tagged me", as you're typing away, and that you genuinely find this tag interesting in the first place, and that you're gonna do it anyway whilst focussing on the chant: "I'm doing this not because I'm a loser, it is kind of interesting anyway so why not" .... !@$*&^%$#@$%^&* ARGHH this is not working la baboooon!! I HAD TO DO THIS BECAUSE SHE FORCED ME TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But anyways:
1) Everytime I send out an executive MASCA email to Junda, I'll mistype his name as Junad. Then I'll have to backspace a little, whilst recalling Anak Mat Nor's latest post in her blog I secretly anonymously religiously follow.

2) Everytime I pass by a Toyota Yaris parked in an alley on the way to Nasi Goreng, I'll think to myself, "Kalau R tukar jadi L ni, it'll become Toyota Yalis"

3) Ok, I can't think of anything else, and I feel like rebelling. So we're good at 2 yea?

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Jacaranda, in full bloom, kinda

So it's spring, I get it.

But I can't believe the cheek of you, advertising yourself as Spring, when all you are is just a mishmash of confused weather, heavy showers on alternate days, with blazing hot sunny days in between. I am disappointed to the core, Spring. Cue in the flies and harsh sun already, I've had enough of you and your sexual frustrations!

Ini pulak rakan saya, Mr. Ultimatum menyanyikan lagu Spring bertajuk "Sampai Hati" dgn Enche' Ezidy. Spring macam ni la yang kita sayang, bukan? ALL-OUT!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

If Sab can't, I can

Domestic god, goddess if you want me to be.

Ha hak ha.

Looking back to the days when I hoped that the laundry is biologically asexual that it would do itself, I am now giving myself a pat in the back as we speak, coz praise the lord: my room is back in its glorious istana days maaaaan.

So here's a formal invitation to a special someone: you can come back anytime you want for a thorough inspection.
Guess I haven't introduced you to my housemate, Lydia namanya (P.O.B: Guangzhou, People's Republic of China). She says the randomest things to me like I'm bloody Bill Cosby talking to one of those darndest kids.

One day, I was at the sink in the bathroom, shaving stuffs and stubs off my godly face, with shaving cream leaving only the eyes uncovered. Lydia came in, and here's the first thing she said:

Lydia: (Surprised look) Oh, you rook rike.... (thinking).. you rook rike (thinking).. FATHER CHRISTMAS!
Lydia: Ho Ho Ho! (she meant Santa fyi)
Me: Ho! Ho! Ho!
Lydia: Ho! Ho! Ho!

Going back to my massive room cleanup mission, there was this time when I bumped into Lydia in the living room, while I was on my way out to the laundry room with a huge laundry basket in hand, when she randomly shouted at the top of her lungs:

Lydia: MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY! (Laughs)
Me: (*&^%$#@#$%^&*(*&*(*&^%$#@#$(*&^%$#) (Apa kau nak sekarang? I don't recall giving birth to you?)

So, I guessed that was still ok, and then comes the second time, for a second round of washing, when she stopped me and asked:

Lydia: Wah? Did you kill someone? Who's in that basket? (Laughs)
Me: ............................................

Haih, Lydia oh Lydia. What would I do without you? Minutes later, baru faham. She called me mommy, for I was the one doing the chores in the house, with laundry basket etc. But why MOMMY, man? FATHER CHRISTMAS? What page are you on? Kau ni random sangat la.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Forget McCain and Obama, We've Got Politics of Padang Tenggala

If you know my grandmother and grandaunt in person, you could tell that they're polar opposites of each other. This is the story of Ba'aisyah and Meriam, the people who put "gala" in Padang Tenggala, Bota.

Opah Ba'aisyah, a tiny figure with a big heart. She is a woman of few words. Often her silence speaks for her wisdom, patience or even anger. By few words, I honestly mean few. If you touch that tray of apams she had religiously prepared for Raya right before everyone's back from solat, she'll mouth a simple "Ish!" and you immediately know when not to touch. That and a few occasional pouts would give you an early warning that she's not liking what she's seeing. That is Opah for you. The moment you see her, my advice would be for you to triple-check that you've worn your kain samping the right way or that you have saved a portion of rendang Tok for her favourite grandchild: Lop Yen. Oh yes, blatant favouritism is her forte too, have I told you that?

Opah Chik Meriam, a whole lot of personality. She is my muse, one who was born with wit and sarcasm, proving that those don't only exist in the Cohens' supersize McMansion and Gossip Girl's cardboard acting. Her only source of interaction to the outside world is an ancient radio, where she picks up on news like the Acheh tsunami, inflation, or even George Soros. I remember the times when she invited us kids to her house and starts telling about her stories growing up in the Japanese occupation era. How she cracks us up everytime she tried to pronounce tsunami as "sunani", and calling my sister Hanani as that too. She once made headlines, for having survived a burglary attack on a random night, with the help of only a torchlight, her pet cat and her loud voice. "Setan, kluo kamu, mude-mude dah pande-pande nak mencughi ye? Aku ni tue ape ade?" (Syaiton, kluar kau, muda muda dah pandai nak mencuri ye?)

So Opah and Opah Chik are basically in-laws, but seldom talk to each other. Opah Chik's loud mouth and sarcastic remarks on Opah's tight kebaya and excessive jeweleries would be the reasons why. For two lonely hearts who live only a stone throw away, they sure have the biggest ego. Opah has a can't-care-less attitude; the more you talk about her, the tighter her kebaya gets. All she cares about is for her kids and grandkids to visit her often and for them to succeed in everything they do. This is where Opah Chik lacks. Not that she's evil-hearted and wishes the worst for her family, but because she doesn't have any grandchildren to begin with. With only one daughter and no husband, she practically lives all by herself.

So Raya is the time when you finally see Opah and Opah Chik put their differences aside (temporarily). I remember one Raya not too many years ago, when Opah scooped a scoopful of Rendang Tok, previously saved for Lop Yen, packed and handed it to myself, while saying a mouthful: "Pergi bagi kat Opah Chik, kesian dia takde sape, tengok die dah makan ke belom." And all of us cucu-cucu will then spend the next couple of hours listening to Opah Chik yapping away on the what's what and who's who in Padang Tenggala and beyond. And yes, you've guessed right. You would have to wait until the next Raya to see this happen again. Until then, it's the same tight kebaya and the same foul mouth.

Can't wait to go back home and salam cium tangan with both Opah and Opah Chik.